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One Side: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can get us: an opening. I know not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but friends support one another in minor capacities. I thought recording a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She must to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?